


Sunshine in a Jar

by bell (bellaboo)



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: F/F, One Perfect Day, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 21:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6442141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellaboo/pseuds/bell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To remind herself why she's fighting so hard, Homura shares one perfect day with Madoka.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunshine in a Jar

Kaname-san’s body hardly moves upon hitting the ground. Her back arches, eyes wide and unseeing.

The trigger is slippery with your sweat. The gun falls from your hands, clattering onto the ground next to what used to be Kaname-san. How many times have you reached this ending? You remember each one with crystal clearness. But it’s not enough. You still fail over and over.

You fall to your knees. The cement is hard and unforgiving. Water seeps into your tights. 

Even dead, irises overblown, Kaname-san is beautiful. Pink tendrils cover her cheeks. You brush them away. With the rain and blood loss, her face is already cool to the touch.

“Reset,” you whisper.

*

You open up your eyes to that whitewashed, sterile hospital ceiling. Back to square one.

You get up, ready to sprint to whatever it is you should be doing. Prepare for school tomorrow. Find bigger and better guns. Chase Kaname-san and warn her. Do everything all over again and face the same ending with Kaname-san staring lifelessly up at a grey sky.

You don’t make it to your feet. You sit up instead, drawing your knees to your chest. You bury your face. What can you do. Nothing you do keeps Kaname-san alive. You’ve bent time itself and all it does it take you back to the source. You’ve lived a war every day and all you get is more.

Steady. Steady. Don’t give in to despair. Remember your goal. Remember her. She came up to you, your (first) first day at school. She saved you. She made you laugh, happy, a better person. Kaname-san is worth it. Think of how she skips when she’s happy. How she sings nonsense songs under her voice.

You look up slowly, staring at the wall. All you see is Kaname-san.

You want to hold her.

*

“Homura…chan. That’s a strange name, isn’t it?”

You pause. Her body’s been cold by the time you reached her far too often. You’ve been just out of reach to stop the fatal wound from penetrating her chest. Sometimes, you’re the one shooting the bullet to kill her. Once she told you you should be proud of your name. You were. Are. You want to do her proud. But how can you, if she never remembers? If she changes every time you meet her. 

You don’t see the shadow of a long-tailed creature spilling from the window.

“Akemi-san?” Kaname-san asks. She tilts her head, sheepish to bother you by calling your attention.

You don’t want her to apologize. You want her to impose on you.

“Come with me,” you say. Fiercely, eyes blazing. 

Kaname-san’s eyes widen and she takes a step back, her hand hand flying up to her mouth. “Ehhhhh?”

You’re off the script. Before you’d just continue events as they had been, going to the nurse’s office, to keep Kaname-san’s life the same. Affect her as little as possible by the distortions caused by witches. Stay separate. You’re too dirty, too angry, too sullied. You’re supposed to keep her pure. Asking her to come with you is just selfishness. It can’t, won’t, lead to Kaname-san’s survival.

But— but you’ve played this game so many times before. You can play it again. You’ll have another shot at getting the right ending. Until then… is it so bad, to reap the rewards before it’s time? Just to get a taste of what you’re working for. It won’t hurt Kaname-san; it’ll strengthen your motive. And in the long run, won’t that save her? Or maybe, just maybe, this is what will change Kaname-san’s fate. Nothing else has worked. Try a new tactic. It might be the key you’ve been looking for to save Kaname-san. So, in a way, this is for Kaname-san. It’s not entirely selfish. 

You hesitate, taking a long pause to speak. “Please. Just for an afternoon. Come with me.” 

“But why?” Kaname-san asks. “We’ve only just met.”

You hide your wince. You’ve learned that skill well. 

Kaname-san stares at you. Her determination is the same as ever. Shining. Beautiful. And you’re still unsure how to reply to even simple questions— not that this is an easy one. You swallow, hunching your shoulders together. “I—” You face witches without fear. You blow them up from inside out. And yet Kaname-san can defeat you with a single look. Your eyebrows knit together. How can you convince her? She’s always done what she’s wanted, no matter how much it breaks your heart. You look away.

You don’t see how Kaname-san’s expression softens, sympathizing with just how much you’re struggling. She’s always reached out to weak beings. “Of course. Let’s go. After school.”

You look up sharply, surprised.

*

It never would’ve seemed possible, but this is the longest first day yet. You know all the questions and answer them rapid-fire, hoping that if you get through the material, they’ll let you out early. Kaname-san’s presence in the classroom is solid; though you can’t see her, the air is thick, hard to breathe. The one time you can’t help but turn to look at her, she catches your gaze. She smiles, eyes closing, and waves back. Your face warms up. How does she do it?

After class, Miki-San and Shizuki-san crowd around Kaname-san. They smile at her and she smiles back. The conversation starts immediately, with Miki-san teasing Kaname-san for getting the wrong answer. Shizuki-san chides her, reminding Miki-san of her own mistake. They all laugh. They make it seem so easy.

You exit the room, eyeing Kaname-san meaningfully. You can’t hang around watching her give her trust and happiness to anyone else. It hurts too much. It’s better to wait for her elsewhere. She’ll come by here, you’re certain. And surely enough, not ten minutes pass before Kaname-san is running towards you, eyebrows knit in concentration. She takes catching up to you as seriously as bringing down a witch.

“Hi! Sorry! Were you waiting long?” Kaname-san gasps out.

You shake your head. What else can you say?

“I’m glad,” Kaname-san says brightly. “I had to tell my friends I couldn’t go out with them today.”

Once upon a time you’d have apologized or thanked her— or even told her she could cancel her plans with you, mortified to be a bother. Now… her hair rustles in the wind. She looks at you expectantly, eyes bright. No one could appreciate her as much as you do. You wouldn’t give up this afternoon with her even at gunpoint.

“So, where we’re going?” Kaname-san asks. Her weight goes from one foot to another, dancing a little in her day-to-day excitement. 

You’ve had the entire boring school day to figure this out. “Do you like amusement parks, Kaname-san?”

Kaname-san almost jumps. “Yes!”

Maybe there’s more you can give her than repeated deaths.

*

Her head twists this way and that, trying to capture all the sights in a single glance. “We could start at the bumper cars! They’re kinda scary, but fun too. Or we could go to the ferris wheel! That’s my favorite, especially at night. I love seeing the city from above, don’t you?” Then she stops completely, her clenched hands rising up to her face. “Oh my god, look at that giant panda! Win it with five shots… but I’m no good with that kind of thing, heh heh— Homura-chan?”

It’s dreadfully easy. The toy gun's sights are miserable, but a quick time-stop and you redirect the bullets into the target. When time starts again, the plastic bottle rattles to the ground. Behind you, Kaname-san gasps. Maybe you could look at her and see her smile, but habit takes over: you train your eyes on the next target. You readjust your aim to fit the the gun's off-kilter balance and from there it’s two, three, four, five down. It takes less than a minute.

When the last rubber bullet meets its target, you lower your hand. Breathe. Turn to Kaname-san. By the third strike she’d stopped her exclamations. You look down at the ground. It’s weird, isn’t it. A Kaname-san who doesn’t fight witches wouldn’t understand such single-minded focus. All the Kaname-sans who made contracts with Kyuubei would understand. They’d have your back. An innocent, war-free Kaneme-san is precisely what you’re fighting for. But suddenly, the loneliness of it all chokes you. When you succeed in saving her, you’ll be an alien to her.

“You’re amazing!” she exclaims. “Oh my god, Homura-chan, I’ve never seen anything like it!” She grabs your hands and jumps. You’re so stunned you can’t even move. Your heart beats furiously, harder even than that first time you fought a witch. “You’re like a super-hero, Homura-chan! You’re so cool!”

You can lead the horse away from the water, but it’ll still thirst. Admiration for courageousness is one of Kaname-san’s constants. It sets her up for downfalls. But, blushing, you’re glad for her hero-worship. The sun is suddenly too hot for you. She’s so near. You can see the subtleties of her eye color, where red mixes with pink.

“…It wasn’t anything,” your words stumble out.

“Not anything? You won the giant panda!”

“It’s yours,” you say automatically. 

“Really? Are you sure?” 

You nod.

You’ve been in enough battles to be quick enough to perceive her arms wrapping around you, but when she’s hugging you, you still can’t quite believe it. Her sharp chin on your shoulder. Her cheek warm against yours. She pulls you in tight— she always hugs with all her heart. You close your eyes, arms frozen by your side. You could pause this moment for hours, but it wouldn’t be the same. Not without her breath animating her. Still. Why can’t it be moments like these that happen over and over again?

*

While you’re off buying ice cream, Miki-san calls Kaname-san on the phone. “Where are you, even?”

Kaname-san kicks the air, legs swinging from the iron bench. “At an amusement park with Homura-chan.”

“Homura? The new kid?!”

“Yeah, her.”

“Are you crazy?” Kaname-san winces at Miki-san's piercing volume. “She looks like she belongs in a mental ward!”

She cranes her neck to look at you. You’re staring at the ice cream server with such intensity that he fumbles with the scoop. It takes him multiple attempts to pile up a double-scoop of chocolate mint. Kagame-san is holding a cone of strawberry ice cream, two chocolate biscuits sticking out from the top. You smile.

“Like she’ll stick your corpse in the back of a car,” Miki-san says.

Kaname-san laughs. “Nobody does that, Sayaka-chan.”

“They do! I’ve seen it on the news! Aren’t you worried she’s a serial killer or something?”

You’ve acquired the second cone despite the server’s ineptness. You go back to Akemi-san as quickly as you can.

“No,” Kaname-san says. “I trust her.”

Mili-San sighs. “You’re too naive for your own good, Madoka.”

Kaname-san gets to her feet to greet you and the ice cream. “I gotta go, Sayaka-chan. See you later!” She hangs up and takes the ice cream. “Thanks, Homura-chan.”

*

You let her do everything; run to and from every attraction. You go with her on the bumper cars three times, her laughter growing louder at each crash. Before long, the side of your mouth twinges. Perhaps laughter is beyond you, but your muscle memory remembers how to smile.

The day is perfect, except that it ends. As it must, of course. You know better than anyone how split-seconds spin into hours. At first you let yourself ignore the lengthening shadows. But as the world turns to deep reds and oranges, you cannot deny it anymore. 

“I love this time of day,” Kaname-san says, arms swinging lazily. “It’s so pretty, isn’t it?”

Not as much as her. You just nod, acquiescing. You wish she’d never stop talking, just so you can hear her voice. 

The river you’re walking along glints in the dying light. “I’ve got to thank you for today, Homura-chan. I had so much fun.”

“I’m glad,” you reply. Today’s been the best thing since— well, meeting her in the first place. 

She spins suddenly, taking your hands into hers. Will that ever seem normal? Your throat chokes up. But this time, you hold her hands back. Tight. “Let’s be friends,” Kaname-san says. 

Friends. It’s all you’ve ever dared hoped for.

— 

It can’t last. It can’t be that easy. And yet, as you close your eyes that night— a whole day without hunting down stronger weaponry or witches — hopes tinge the edge of your dreams.

The following morning, a Soul Gem glints on Kaname-san’s chest.

Your heart lurches.

Kaname-san’s eyes shine brighter than ever. She waves her arms so hard it might as well fall off. However bright her smile was yesterday, it’s nothing compared to now. She could light up galaxies. “Homura-chaaaaaan!” she exclaims. You close your eyes, willing yourself to remain steady on your feet. What a fool. You left her for fourteen hours. You should know by now her soul’s corruption is a matter of seconds.

She runs to you. Her speed is that of a magical girl. “Goor morning!” she greets you. Her hand covers her soul gem self-consciously. With pride. Her hand twinges, betraying her itch to venture forth and be a hero. To rush into battle and give herself until there’s nothing left. 

Well, now you have your answer. Ignoring the problem is no solution. 

Kaname-san peers into your face, concerned. “Homura-chan?”

The words you speak are strange to your tongue. You never get to say this. “Goodbye, Kaname-san.”

She laughs. “You say the funniest things, Homura-chan! What do you mean, goodbye? School’s just about to start.” Her laughter stops abruptly. “Oh no, you don’t need to go to the nurse’s office, do you? Are you sick? I’ll go with you!”

Your smile is small and painful. As much as it’s made you suffer, her generosity is why you love her. You raise a hand to her cheek despite her shock at the sudden gesture. It’ll be a long journey before you can rest assured of her safety. You can— you can take some solace for now. “I wish you _could_ come with me,” you say. You wish you never had to let go.

Of course, that’s not how time works.

“Time reset,” you declare. Kaname-san, together with the rest of the world, dissolves. 

Next time, you vow. Next time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Zulu for the beta!


End file.
